What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
