I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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