You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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