i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
