He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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