dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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