next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
