I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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