My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
