I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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