If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
