I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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