Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
