I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
