Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
