Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
