Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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