I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
