There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
