grandma shit on top of the toilet
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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