I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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