Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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