This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
