I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
