I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
