I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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