I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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