taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
