I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
