Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i out mim tonsoeep
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
