So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
that may or may not have been my penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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