It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
