I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
