I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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