I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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