Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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