a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
