you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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