During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
