I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
