I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
