is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
