My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
