As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
