That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
