I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
