There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
