I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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