All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
