he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
