The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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