Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
